My Insane Guide To Survive The Gods!
by shadowfang11
Summary: This is my guide to survive the gods. The Do's and Don'ts of the rulers of Olympus and why! May this guide help you survive! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't not own Percy Jackson

I'll be honest; I've joined the guidelines trend… shoot me if you dare, ha!

Now, on with the rules that could perhaps save your life if you follow them (literally).

Rule #1: Never, ever flirt with Hera, Artemis, Hestia or Athena.

Reason: (You will get hit in a place so you never will have children. I'm still glaring at Artemis, who decided to up everyone else and fire an arrow at me).

#2: Never agree to go see a movie with Aphrodite.

(I still don't know what she sees in Taylor Lautner, she giggles whenever she sees him)

#3: Never point out to Hera how hypocritical it was to throw her son, Hephaestus, off Olympus due to his looks. Being the_** perfect**_ goddess of marriage.

(Who knew her eyes could glow bright red? I didn't…

…then again, I didn't know she could set things on fire by thought alone…

…I was her first test subject…it hurt…a lot)

#4: Never associate Hades with, um, emo's.

(It turns out; he can also set things on fire by thought alone. Must run in the family…)

#5: Whenever in battle and a flying enemy flies by, never suddenly scream "It's Starscream!" and drop to the ground.

(Athena's eyes avoid me when I near her.

Ares thought it was brilliant)

#6: Whenever playing chess with Athena never point behind her and scream "It's a Dodo!" and flip the board around when she isn't looking.

(Surprisingly, she didn't notice for about ten minutes…)

#7: Never sing the Basshunter lyrics "And every day, Your in my Head, I want you in my bed" out loud in Olympus.

(Artemis muttered in ancient Greek and shoved past me. Then I ran into Aphrodite. Weird…)

#8: Never call Dionysus a "Recovering alcoholic" to his face.

(As it turns out, he's a mean bitch slapper)

#9: Also, don't go up to him with a glass of wine and say "hmm, tastes so good. If only you could have some"

(His face was priceless. It was a mix of anger, jealous, envy and pain. Apollo was in hysterics)

#10: If you're visit camp half-blood and the hunters are there, don't wait for them to enter, jump up with a box of condoms and shout "Sex Party Time!"

(They took a page out of Artemis' book. Never have I had so many arrows flying at me. Once again, I ran into Aphrodite. Weird)

#11: When at a council meeting, DON'T turn to Poseidon and ask him if his code name is seamen.

(He was not too happy about that. Hades liked it.)

#12: Never mention Jason, Thalia, Perseus, Heracles or any other demigod that Zeus has had to Hera.

(Talk about psycho house wife. The glowing eyes returned…with lightning.)

#13: When in a council meeting, never start singing "I'm Sexy and I know it!"

(Apollo and Hermes fell off their thrones laughing.

…Aphrodite started singing and dancing

…So did Hades, even though he won't admit it)

#14: Never make fun of Apollo's Haikus or any other poetry

(It was Dionysus' turn to laugh. He is much like his twin)

#15: Zeus is a proud god, so don't walk up to him and compare him to Darth Vader.

(He gets very mad when you compare him to a traitor and villain.)

#16: Never walk past any god and mutter loudly "One of these days I'm gonna pull a Kratos".

(Most of the gods looked nervous when near me.

Ares glares at me now

Zeus is now paranoid about me…)

#17: Never suggest anger management to Ares.

(Who knew he could fit such big guns in his clothes. I didn't…"

#18: Never go to Persephone with six pomegranates and say "Well, doesn't this bring back memories?"

(Hades found it hilarious. Persephone…not so much)

#19: Never walk around Olympus with a crash test dummy and have crazed look in your eyes while saying "My next Victim is here" in a scary voice.

(Hermes and Apollo twitch when the walk by me.)

#20: Whenever Hermes and Apollo dare you to do something, don't do it.

(My neck still hurts after the bath dare.

I had to steal Hera's clothes when she wasn't looking.

She didn't like it.

Zeus did.

As did every other male god who saw her running across Olympus naked)

#21: When riding in Apollo's sun chariot, never ask "are we there yet?" over and over again.

(Apollo threw me out the window…2m above ground)

#22: Whenever near Hades, near yell "One does not simply rock into Tartarus!"

(He still thinks I'm mentally unhinged.

I was put in isolation for a week.

Turns out I talk to myself a lot)

#23: Whenever in a meeting, don't turn you head to 90 degrees angle and say "The voices inside my head tell me to hurt you" to someone.

(Again, the Isolation room is becoming a second to me.

Demeter is sick of guarding me but who cares?

All she does is make hundreds of bowls of cereal and mutter darkly about Hades)

#24: Never say "I feel a disturbance in the force" and look darkly at the people around you.

(Hello Isolation!

Demeter and I have lovely conversations about cereal

I nearly got her to make me a chair and rope out of grain once…damn!)

#25: Never get a dummy on a chair and start talking to it like a person.

(Zeus made Apollo check my health, the sick bastard!

Hephaestus turns around when he sees me…along with most people)

I hope you all enjoyed my first chapter to my guide of gods. May your chances of survival slightly increase through this guide!


	2. Chapter 2

#26: Never grab a boom box, place it near someone and repeat a song over and over again on max volume.

(Hades wished death was possible after three hours of Friday

Apollo was freaked out by me following him with Adele

Hera doesn't like Lonely Island much

Hermes did…)

#27: Don't call Poseidon's Trident the "Giant Pitchfork of Doom!" when in a battle.

(He looked at me weirdly and slowly walked a way

Zeus didn't get it…)

#28: Never play board games with the gods, it ALWAYS ends in disaster.

(Zeus is a bad loser, a lightning throwing bad loser.

Hades has a scary thinking face

Athena always wins, ALWAYS.

It turns out Apollo can make cards out of thin air

Cheating much?

Then the fights start…)

#29: Whenever Aphrodite and Hephaestus are together, never start singing bad romance.

(Aphrodite raised an eyebrow and glared at her husband

(Hephaestus just called her something that sounded like mutt…)

#30: Never randomly point to someone in the street and yell "titan!"

(Man, Ares destroyed that poor guy

We managed to find most of his body

But not his foot…)

#31: When watching the Shining, don't place two identical teen female dummies that look human directly outside the door.

(Artemis opened the door first

She threw the popcorn at them and hid under a table

And I recorded it…Blackmail time!)

#32: Don't get a small voodoo doll that looks like a god and start casually stabbing it with pins.

(Dionysus' eyes still twitch at me

Demeter was insulted to find out I used grain to fill it

Thought I was trying to kill her…maybe)

#33: Never convince the gods to have and IQ test, though the results were interesting…

(Athena-175

Hephaestus-146

Hera-125

Demeter-122

Poseidon-119

Hades-115

Artemis-105

Hermes-105

Dionysus-104

Apollo-93

Zeus-93

Aphrodite-78

Make of that what you will…)

#34: Whenever you see a god bending over, never say "Excuse me while I get a camera" or "Wait while I get the whipped cream!"

(Hera once again went satan on me

Apollo winked…I'm still scared to go near him)

#35: Whenever some says "don't do it", don't do it!

(I got twelve stitches after indoor race track incident

Then there was the human jousting with Hermes…ouch

Last but not least, the-truck-into-the-library-moment…Athena was pissed)

#36: Never see how long you can ghost someone

(Athena and Zeus knew within seconds and threw things at me

Apollo thought I was trying to assassinate him, haha

I had Aphrodite for nearly an hour, it turns out she was leading me into her bed room…again)

#37: Never quote Ironhide around Ares

(Ya feelin lucky, punk?-He pulls out a gun and starts firing at me

Punk-ass Decepticon! - He turns and Bitch slaps me

You have a rodent infestation-He notices I'm talking about his kids and starts throwing grenades…at my groin)

#38: Whenever Aphrodite offers 'counseling', kindly say no and run.

(It usually ends up with you in her room and Aphrodite asking about your most secret moments…while she's trying to slip a tablet in your water…five times)

#39: Never play Assassin's Creed with Ares or Hephaestus.

(Ares started to assassinate people from roof tops and TRYING to do free running…and fail badly in the process

Hephaestus made a hidden blade and went around trying to get people with it

Ares was his first target…now that was a fight!)

#40: Whenever in Battle, never throw a red tennis ball at an enemy and Say "Godda catch 'em all, Pokémon!"

(Self explanatory)

#41: When in the underworld, never accept any food Persephone gives you.

(Poor girl gets lonely so she tries to me stuck down here as well, typical)

#42: Never get a cardboard cutout of Kronos attached to a message saying "Zeus, I am your father" in a Darth Vader voice and place it Zeus' bedroom door.

(I could hear the explosion from my room

And the scream form Zeus two seconds before.)

#43: Never quote the 'inbetweeners', for gods sake

(Hermes tried making shirts that said 'pussay patrol' but Hera made him burn them.

Never compare Apollo to Jay, he gets very moody…even though everyone agrees.

Athena didn't like the shirts, so we put a pile on her bed)

#44: Singing in the shower is officially banned

(Zeus didn't like my tribute to Muse

Then Apollo copied me…and soon everyone was singing in the shower

Damn that trend went fast!)

#45: NEVER make fun of any ones accents

(Apollo learned the hard way not to make fun of my Australian accent, now he whimpers when I tap his back.

Ares got the message when I destroyed all of his weapons.

Ha! That shut him up!)

#46: Transformers is now banned from Olympus

(Hephaestus started making robots that transformed, that was okay

…until there was hundreds of them and he started a civil war between for fun

Zeus-not so happy when his Porsche Carrera GT transformed and started burning his beard off)

#47: When council meetings are boring, you have full permission to start annoying people

(I have a lovely bunch of coconuts-techno remix yeah!

Oh my god, you killed Kenny-everyone looks at you weirdly

The voices in my head speak Russian

It's Friday! Repeat x1000-it was priceless when Zeus got sound proof head phones and could still here me

Athena was confused, it was Tuesday)

#48: Never watch Inception with any one

(Everyone was confused mindless…except Athena of course, the smart-ass bitch)

#49: Blonde jokes are banned.

(Apollo took it to heart and locked himself in his room.

He knows we can alter our appearances, right?)

#50: Flammable objects are now banned from my presence

(Jeez, all I did was set Poseidon's beard on fire with a burning marshmallow

And Aphrodite's hair… along with Hades)

Another chapter of my guide to your survival. I hope you enjoyed and reviews would be very nice. Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Several people have asked who is talking, is it a god or demigod or something?

My character is an O/C, let's call him David. David is an Australian demigod who was granted immortality. This is his guide.

#51: ALL horror movies are now banned from movie night.

(Zeus couldn't take 30 minutes of Friday the 13th

Apollo now turns around every corner looking for the undead and he now carries a knife everywhere…EVERYWHERE

Athena wasn't even bothered by the horror movies; she just moved closer to the screen, inch by inch and got this possessed look in her eye)

.

#52: Call of Duty is now banned from Ares.

(Gods, he takes those games seriously. Even after I left, he continued playing.

We found him three days later…with nothing but a bottle of coke and very bloodshot eyes.

He started shooting at people when we tried to take it off him)

.

#53: Never try to see how many smurf words you can fit in one sentence.

(Everyone was confused when I changed every adjective and verb with the word.

Apollo checked me for any medical damaged to my brain.

I was smurfing my ass off)

.

#54: The word smurf is now officially banned from use.

(Apparently, Ares misheard smurf as some form of threat and tried to kill Hermes.

Aphrodite proceeded to ask everyone if she could 'smurf' them.)

.

#55: After giving someone a tablet and watch them take it, never say "Oh fuck, I mixed up my acid with vitamins"

(Poseidon and Hera dropped their glasses where they stood.

Hermes fainted.

Dionysus just shrugged and walked away)

.

#56: Never stare at someone's breast's or groin for a period of time and just smile.

(Hera-slap

Artemis-slap

Hades-punch

Zeus-looks at me weird and runs away

Aphrodite-smiles and tries to kiss me)

.

#57: Whenever Hades says he always wins, never bring up WWII

(As it turns out, the underworld has a sea of pain

10 laps-fucking hurts

Didn't help that Persephone was filming it)

.

#58: Jelly babies are now banned.

(Hades walked in on me eating them and thought they were real, mini babies.

He fainted.

My isolation room now has my own bed, with a TV and Xbox

That's how many times I've been there!)

.

#59: Lonely Island is now banned after my tribute to them.

(I kinda screamed while I sang it.

Ares had to barge in and shut me up… duct tape hurts when it is ripped off.)

.

#60: Never exaggerate when describing things, like the time I was introducing my pet, my "Awesome, powerful, man eating pet! Haha (evil laugh)

(It was my pet genie pig.

His name is awesome because his is awesome

And he is very cute; ask any of the female gods)

.

#61: Always make sure the shower is empty before entering.

(Ah, that great moment with Hestia

In all her glory, washing her hair

It was worth get my balls smashed by a baseball bat)

.

#62: Never steal a god or goddess' mortal information and start doing random shit.

(Athena was surprised to find out she had mysteriously adopted five children.

Zeus now has a criminal record for stealing from a chemist.

Hephaestus is now wanted for stealing information from apple.)

.

#63: Never steal a god or goddess' mortal information and start buying random shit.

(Poseidon now has a collection of all male porn

The underworld is now filled with fake flamingoes

Demeter doesn't know what to do with the blow up dolls)

.

#64: Never place numerous alarm clocks that go off at the same time on max volume around a god while they are asleep.

(Ares started shooting all around his room at the invaders.

Apollo nearly wet the bed when they went off

Athena slowly found them and turned them off, the snooze was only five minutes though, hehe)

.

#65: Never walk into a council room scream, walk away, and repeat several times before pretending to pass out.

(The looks I got from Zeus, freaking hilarious.

I 'woke' up in the medical room with Apollo trying to shove something into me

Kinda awkward when he noticed I was watching)

.

#66: Never walk around with a skeleton dressed in a suit and start talking to people while moving its jaw.

(Hermes nearly fainted

Apollo turned pale and tried to focus on me

Dionysus must have thought it was an after effect of something he took, he just smiled at it

It got weird when Hades stopped talking to me and just the skeleton)

.

#67: Streaking is banned.

(Another dare from Apollo and Hermes

All around Olympus naked

Everyone was laughing until I literally ran into Artemis

She yelled but I could see her blush

Once again, Aphrodite ran to say 'hi')

.

#68: Never claim a child that isn't yours.

(Apollo was confused when his son was in my new cabin

Along with a daughter of Ares, Iris, Hermes and Athena

He threatened to show everyone my internet history)

.

#69: Never give a demigod(s) a fake prophecy

(It's not my fault that a son of Hermes believed he was to defeat the empire and restore peace to the galaxy

We found him in a bin trying to leave the atmosphere)

.

#70: I am banned from any demigod camp.

(Due to the fact I'd forgotten how dangerous metal is in a microwave, I had place several microwaves with tin in them around the camp.

They thought they were under attack.

Bit surprised when they saw me pissing myself)

.

#71: Prank calls are now banned.

(Zeus wanted to destroy all virgin (company) buildings after my deals.

Poseidon went to see if his fridge was running, then started swearing at me

Hades DOES not want a sham wow)

.

#72: Never stick fake knives into your back, walk into a council and say "I don't feel so good" then proceed to faint on your stomach.

(Everyone screamed and shrieked. And I mean EVERYONE

Hera and Hestia fainted

Then I told then it was a prank, Isolation

Hermes and Apollo thought it was epic!)

.

#73: Harry Potter puppet pals is now banned.

(I 'bother'ed Hades for about ten minutes

He unleashed hell on me…along with hundreds of dead hands 'bother'ing me)

.

#74: Never dress up as the grim reaper and start following people

(Aphrodite looked at me and started running and screaming

Dionysus fainted

Hades looked at me and said "That's my job, you prick!" and started shooting fire bolts at me)

.

#75: Never walk around casually with a chainsaw and a fake head.

(Hestia screamed

Hephaestus saw me and quickly walked the other way

Ares likes my style.)

.

YAY! Another chapter done. May most of you survive. Reviews will be much appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

#76: Making jokes about PMS is also banned.

(As it turns out, Athena is always a bitch

Hera just glared at me)

.

#77: Never walk around with a coffin with a god's name on it.

(Aphrodite squealed and ran

Ares simply pulled out a grenade and challenged me

Hades death stared me then started throwing fire bolts at me

One hit me in the balls…yep)

.

#78: Skate boards are now banned due to injuries.

(Zeus nearly broke an arm trying to Ollie

Poseidon attempted to go up a half pipe…I can still hear the snapping sounds

Athena landed face first into a wall…before even…getting on…it)

.

#79: the mento's and coke tricked is banned also due to injuries.

(Apollo thought was awesome

So awesome, he was over to his twin, pointed it in her face and said "How cool is this?"

Before shaking it and making to cap fly full blast into Artemis' eye

Now that WAS a fight)

.

#80: Never let Hephaestus build you something simple, he'll just put some extreme extension on.

(Like the skateboard with rockets that flung me into a wall

Or the laptop that shocks you EVERY time you forget your password

And there's the phone that can call other planets…they spoke Chinese for some reason…)

.

#81: Disney movies are now banned.

(Every time a Disney movie is on, Aphrodite, Athena, Artemis, and Persephone all start watching it while cooing and awwwwwwing at the princess'

The males just look at each other and mouth "What the fuck have we started?"

Then the girls start yelling at us to go away)

.

#82: Never dress up as the exorcist from the movie and sneak up on a god while playing the theme music.

(Hermes raised his eyebrows, screamed and then fainted

Hephaestus ran and started firing some weapon

Hades stared at me then said "We meet again at last". Then he tackled me.)

.

#83: Never accompany the hunters with Artemis

(Christ, the death stares you get…it's ridiculous

Then there's the shower incident

Look, if there's only one shower and a few people are in there, deal with it)

.

#84: Never wander around naked when you're with the hunters.

(Their eyes widen then they start shooting and yelling at you.

Some of them blush, I could tell

Artemis was one of them, the devil)

.

#85: I am now banned from going near three hundred meters of the hunters

(Yep, they pressed charges, the bitches

Every time I see Artemis, I give her my puppy eyes

She just looks away and runs off…giggling)

.

#86: Grand theft auto is banned.

(Ares had a theft problem that needed to be dealt with

Apollo tried to join the mafia

Turned ugly after he gave them sugar instead of something else…)

.

#87: Never show anyone the 2 girls 1 finger video

(You will have to clean up their sick)

.

#88: Don't even bother asking for a dog or cat, the answer is always no.

(Zeus just growl at me after asking for the hundredth time

Hera started throwing stuff me

Dionysus simply told me to "f off")

.

#89: Speaking in parsel tongue is a no go.

(Hermes slowly walks away from now

Persephone thinks I'm possessed

Hades looked at me and said something in the same language…weird)

.

#90: Never pretend to be possessed.

(Athena tried to attack me after hearing my rant

Demeter ran all the ways to earth…tripping twice

Hades was force to strap me down and try to exorcise me

Weirdest hour of my fucking life!)

#91: Never have "The talk" with any of the gods.

(Zeus' face was priceless when I ask what climaxing was.

Artemis was happily talking about the female side of things…then it came to men. She started swearing and glaring at me.

Hades was just depressing. Talking about how many deaths happen because of sex positions gone wrong.

Aphrodite walked in smiling with her helper "Fanado" and started literally showing me everything)

.

#92: Twilight is banned into Tartarus.

(Aphrodite wouldn't shut up!

Athena failed to see the plot

Hades burnt it on sight)

.

#93: Never make a shrine for stuffed animals.

(It gets really awkward when someone walks into your room and there are hundreds of stuffed animals.

Even more so when they catch you worshipping it)

.

#94: Never make a shrine of a celebrity.

(Just don't go there with Aphrodite and her male model shrine)

.

#95: Jelly sculptures are banned

(Hephaestus was offended when I made his sculpture with a moldy face

Zeus was angrily at where I put his mini lightning bolt

I made Apollo a midget…I still don't know why…)

.

#96: kidnapping celebrities is illegal

(APHRODITE, GET WITH THE FREAKING PROGRAM!)

.

#97: Random flash mops are now banned.

(Hera and Zeus was confused as hell when Aphrodite, Hermes, Apollo and me started dancing in the middle of a council

Poseidon even joined in with Demeter)

.

#98: never call anyone the following:

Nazi zombie- Hephaestus just laughed

Nazi panda!-Hera thought that was about her weight.

The living dead-Hades just flipped me off

Person who looks like they should have died 80 years ago-again, Hades flipped me off

Sexy back-Aphrodite winked

Sex on legs-Poseidon blushed and walked away

Oh your_ 'insert word'_, excuse me while I get naked-Demeter just stared at me

The mother of my children-Artemis fainted

.

#99: Skyrim shouldn't be played by Zeus, Apollo or Hermes

(They tried to dragon shout Hera off Olympus

Apollo tried to find dragons to hunt, only finding really fat people

Hermes tried to conjure lightning at Zeus in a rebellion...Went REAL bad, REAL soon)

.

#100: Arrow in the knee jokes are banned due to how bad they are, examples of these:

I used to be a Zeus like you then I got a bolt in the knee-nice try Hades

I used to be a seaman like you then I got a trident in the knee-Getting better Zeus

I used to be an alcoholic like you then I got a glass in the knee-Just shut up Hera

I used to be a sith like you then I got a lightsaber in the knee- stay off the drugs, Dio

I used to be a time lord like you then I got a sonic screwdriver in the knee- What the fuck, Athena?

They are all shit and are banned for a good reason

The 100th rule, yeah. PARTY TIME! (START DANCING TO THE MUSIC)

Reviews with suggestions may help your survive along with others. Thanks.


	5. Chapter 5

#101: Making fake wounds and scars out of gelatin and food coloring is a bad mistake

(Demeter nearly fainted when she saw my war torn face

Hera face me into the medical room with Apollo

He fainted when I started wiping it off)

.

#102: Don't casually walk around talking to skull that you're carrying.

(Poseidon just shook his head at me

I got sent to isolation by Zeus

I played halo with Hermes on the TV in my room)

.

#103: Don't throw lightning bolts at random cities.

(Christ almighty, apparently I'm a terrorist.

So what if I caused the largest blackout in twenty years)

.

#104: Never steal Poseidon's Trident, Hades helm or Zeus' lightning bolt.

(It will start a freaking civil war.

One will blame the other and hell breaks loose.

Ares finds it amusing)

.

#105: Food fights are band due to injury.

(I throw a pizza at Apollo; he throws an apple at Hera

She throws soda and then it starts.

It ends with people throwing grenades and firing weapons)

.

#106: Dance offs are banned.

(I challenged Poseidon and Zeus to one.

After TEN minutes of EXPLAINING what it was, I started busting out my moves.

Zeus nearly broke his back and Poseidon twisted an ankle...before they…even…started)

.

#107: Depantsing the gods is banned.

(Ares was trying to intimidate Apollo with his back turned then-BAM.

Apollo on the floor laughing and Ares is trying to strangle me to death.

Dionysus got me back after a got him in the throne room.)

.

#108: Depantsing the demigods is now banned.

(Some random demigod was giving a speech on how well they did against some giant when Hermes got him.

He didn't notice for five minutes.

Everyone had cameras.

Need I say more?)

.

#109: Fully Depantsing is now obliviously banned.

(Artemis was giving a lecture to her hunters while I was behind her.

So, oh what the hell, I completely depantsed her.

She blushed and tried to cover herself.

I made things worse when I said "Artemis, you have a great as-"

20 arrows were impaled in my chest)

.

#110: Never spike a god's drink with something.

(Hades wouldn't stop talking to his spoon.

Hera started pole dancing.

Athena had an obsession with feathers.

Zeus tried to fly…with success)

.

#111: two words are now banned: SHAM-WOW.

(Demeter spent THREE HOURS trying to find out what it was.

Hephaestus tried to invent one better.

Athena tried to find out its purpose.)

.

#112: Never ask anyone what the meaning of life is.

(Aphrodite: "Well sweetie, it's when a men and a woman get naked…"

Ares: "Killing people and war"

Hades: "Death and sadness"

Dionysus: "Do I look like I care?")

**.**

#113: Never miss use my fear of heights.

(One woke up one day and I was on top of the freaking Eiffel tower.

Hermes and Apollo were wetting themselves.

Then I shoved a pole up their-)

.

#114: Never casually build a Trojan horse and place at the demigod camp.

(Even THEY aren't that stupid.

Well, Aphrodite's kids thought it looked good on their lawn.

Until fifty undead came out of it.

At twelve in the night.)

.

#115: Poker is banned.

(Hades cheats.

Athena has a wicked poker face.

Hestia sat in a corner glaring after she lost.

Zeus charged his cards with electricity. That hurt!)

.

#116: Strip poker is now banned.

(Aphrodite was purposely cheating.

So was Hestia.

Ares couldn't concentrate.

It got awkward when only men were playing.)

.

#117: The talk show jerry is banned.

(Hera became obsessed with it.

So did Ares.

They both started chanting 'Jerry'! Over and other again.

Zeus threw a lightning bolt at the TV and told them to get lives.)

.

#118: The movie, "Surf's up" is banned.

(Athena was trying to determine how penguins can talk.

Poseidon laughed at their attempt at surfing.

Apollo set sail to find 'Pen Gu Island'.

That was five weeks ago.)

.

#119: Never put fake explosives on your chest, walk into a council and say 'The voices command me to kill you' and take off your shirt.

(Everyone screamed and ran for cover.

Ares was laughing as he grabbed a gun.

Zeus covered his eyes and screamed like a little girl.

Blackmail time)

.

#120: Whenever someone gives you a book, never yell "Get this out of my sight!" and throw it out a window.

(Athena was pissed, it was her favorite book.

Hephaestus whimpered at me after I threw his book at him.

Aphrodite said I was hot was I was rebelling)

.

#121: Never purposely give Dionysus/Bacchus' kids wine.

(Shit, they got pissed.

Running naked everywhere.

Starting fights.

I blamed Hera…they believed me)

.

#122: The bird is the word song Is BANNED for good reason.

(I was watching Family Guy with Hermes and Apollo, the song came on.

For the next freaking MONTH, they wouldn't shut up.

Hades nearly cut his ears off.)

.

#123: Don't place fake bones covered in fake blood in the council room and leave a note saying 'The writer of Twilight'.

(Zeus fainted.

Athena screamed.

Aphrodite nearly cried that her favorite author died.

I had to explain the joke.

Isolation for a month.)

.

#124: Never start casually make a noose out of rope and tie it around the roof and sing 'always look on the bright side of life' in a council.

(Everyone stared wide eyed at me.

Hermes started humming with the tune.

Hades started to help me get it around my neck.)

.

#125: Pole dancing is banned.

(Everyone watched in awe as I gave them the best pole dance ever!

Aphrodite and Persephone tried next.

Then Zeus and Hades.

They nearly broke their backs.)

.

.

HA! That was fun. I think you have a 5% chance of surviving thanks to my help. Please don't forget to review and give me Ideas!


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